The Grandmoviestar Conspiracy: 23 Megan Foxes, Movie Time Warps, And Vin Diesel Oh My!

Who is "grandmoviestar" and why is he allegedly in the middle of a
Hollywood Mystery so big it takes 23 Megan Foxes to encompass it all?

The email that Hollywood Reporter columnist Jay A. Fernandez recently received regarding a movie conspiracy so grand that it encompasses not only "Transformers part 1,2,3 and 4" but 23 separate ersatz Megan Foxes understandably made us Daily23ers tingle in unspeakable places. Let's break down the copious information provided by "grandmoviestar" to Jay and analyze:

1. "Before you read the rest of this mail you have to understand that most movies what you see in the theaters from Hollywood right now like Ironman,Prince of Persia,Clash of the Titans,Avatar,Transformers part 1,2,3 and 4 were filmed 11 years ago in 1998/1999/ 2000."

Has the collective wool been pulled over the moviegoing public? Were all these blockbuster movies secretly filmed and kept in the archives only to be falsely presented as "new" ten years later? Or perhaps "grandmoviestar" is caught in the same time warp that so bedeviled Philip K. Dick; what we erroneously perceive as the passage of time really all happening at some year in the past? No matter what has happened: it is still only 1999! (that would be a relief for several members of the Daily 23 staff, especially in regards to credit card balances and etc.)

2. "I got kidnapped in Hollywood in 1999 and after this something happened and these movies were removed/ stolen.It caused a situation between 1999 and today that evolved into a scandal like Watergate."

Did "grandmoviestar" stumble across the plot to fool the public with ten-year-old movies and had to be whisked away to some remote island/creepy hotel room?

3. "When you watch the movie Jennifer’s Body there isn’t 1 girl that’s Megan Fox but there are 6 different girls who are all 1 Megan Fox in this movie.That’s because Megan Fox isn’t 1 person but they are 23 different models and actresses who are all 1 Megan Fox."

I always felt that there was something a little too fake about Megan Fox. It's all beginning to make sense now. Plus: the magic number 23! That is a coincidence too large to ignore.

two of the fake Megan Foxes make out with each other

4. "The movie G.I.Joe and the promotion material[posters,bilboards etc.] from this movie don’t belong together[you can see scene's and characters on the posters etc.from the 2nd G.I.Joe movie that aren't in the 1st G.I.Joe movie]that’s because the movie is the 1st movie but the promotion material is from the 2nd G.I.Joe movie[with me as Sergeant Slaughter and Sienna Miller as The Baroness] that was stolen[the 2nd movie and the promotion material from the 1st movie] by Vin Diesel and Jennifer Aniston..."

Wait -- if "grandmoviestar" played Sergeant Slaughter in the GI Joe movie does that mean he's really...


F**k no, I refuse to believe this. I absolutely loved Brendan Fraser in "Furry Vengeance" and nobody is going to ruin that for me.

Oh wait, it says in Wikipedia that Fraser didn't play Sergeant Slaughter in the GI Joe movie, he played "Sgt. Stone."

Who the hell is "Sgt. Stone"?!

Still, that'd be an awesome rumor to start, than Fraser went insane after filming "Furry Vengeance" and then sent Jay A. Fernandez a rambling email about 23 false Megan Foxes. But we at the Daily 23 are not in the business of mere rumor mongering.

5. "Jennifer Aniston was jealous because I dumped Jennifer Aniston and started a relationship with Sienna Miller so she stole our movie."

don't let that innocent smile fool you

Ah, so Aniston is the ultimate architect of this grand deception. Still not over Brad, are you Jen? Still, that's no reason to steal the promotional material for GI Joe 2, send Hollywood's biggest blockbusters into a time warp, and create a meta-Megan Fox to hypnotize and titillate the public.

Still no explanation for "Jonah Hex," tho.